Spiritual Warfare Strategies in the Midst of Abuse & Courtroom Battles

I have hesitated to write about this for a few reasons:

1.     I’ve often been triggered by memories of my past abuse;

2.     I’ve been fearful that an abuse victim would be caught by his/her abuser reading this post;

3.     I’ve worried that many would see my experience as "crazy" and judge me.

I can finally and honestly say that I’m ready to write this without fear, and I ask God to give me strength to share what is on my heart, in order to empower others like yourself who may be in serious crisis. What I saw and experienced are true occurrences, so it doesn't matter if anyone judges me or views me as crazy. (It also helps that my children are now fully grown, and my ex can no longer use them as leverage against me.)

When I was married to my ex-husband, the 6-year marriage felt like 20 years of prison torture. I experienced daily psychological and verbal abuse. I very seldom (about three times) experienced physical abuse in the form of his lunging at me with is forearms. I would block my face and chest with my forearms, which did cause some bruising.

I often saw the eyes of a demon in my ex-husband’s eyes, which proved I was not merely struggling against flesh and blood, but against demonic powers. In one particular attack of rage, I witnessed my ex-husband’s face contort into the actual face of a demon. It lasted only a split-second, but it was hideously unforgettable and very revealing.

Much of my horrific marriage to my ex-husband is a blur, because I disassociated frequently. Following each abusive episode, I would play our piano and sing worship songs to God after my husband left the house. In one of those times of worship, I “accidentally” started singing in a foreign language that I did not recognize and knew that I had inadvertently received the gift of Tongues—and I suspected it might be important as a spiritual weapon against demonic forces as “praying in the spirit,” according to Ephesians 6.

The next time my ex-husband exploded in a shouting tirade of anger against me, I tried an experiment—I tried praying in the spirit very quietly under my breath. It didn’t work well, though, because my ex saw my lips moving, and that made him even angrier. So, I learned to pray in Tongues silently, in my mind, with my mouth closed—and I saw miraculous things begin to happen. No, my ex never repented of his sins against me (although he always professed to be a Christian, which is how I was tricked into marrying him), but he would get confused and forget why he was yelling at me and just walk away. It was amazing!

Each day, I would put on the full armor of God from Ephesians 6, concentrating primarily on the helmet of salvation, hoping that it would protect my mind from succumbing to mental illness from all the psychological and verbal abuse.

One day, I decided to try another experiment: During one of my ex’s “word vomits,” I stood silently, praying in the spirit in my mind. I held one hand down at my side, hiding it behind my thigh, so he couldn’t see it. Then I held up my hand like a shield to block the shrapnel blast of filth. I began to sense that his words were no longer penetrating my heart the way they previously did. I continued this practice from that point onward. I’m not sure why the “prophetic act” of holding up my hand as a shield was important, but it did help. But, honestly, nothing worked as profoundly as praying in the spirit.

When my ex and I were going through our divorce and custody battle, the very thought of having to be in the courtroom with my ex-husband would cause me tremendous turmoil. I vomited regularly, would have panic attacks, and I’d shake uncontrollably. A volunteer from our local Domestic Violence and Crisis Center would sit beside me in court, acting as a human shield between my ex and me. It was during this time that I met my current husband, Pete. He joined me in the courtroom, sat beside me to take the place of my DVCC volunteer, and blocked me from my ex’s view. He made me feel safe and even more protected. I always continued to pray silently in Tongues in the courtroom and discreetly hold up my hand as the shield of faith against any demonic forces in the room.

Nothing went easily in court, but I know that this, along with the prayers of numerous friends and family members, helped to protect my daughter from being forced to be with her biological dad for overnight visitations. Even though my husband was officially diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and described as a "borderline" sociapath, I was, unfortunately, unable to win the battle for protection for my one-year-old baby boy, who started out with supervised visits before my ex was allowed to have overnight and weekend custody of our son--all because of an unmerciful, misguided judge. I won’t know in this life the details or the extent of the damage my ex did to our baby boy, but psychological damage was done, as was exhibited in his behavior, and I had no recourse via our corrupt court system. But this did not stop me from continuing my spiritual battle for the protection of myself and my children.

One final weapon of spiritual warfare I’d like to add is that of fasting. I personally did not fast while in the heat of courtroom battles, but my friends and family members did. I am convinced that progress in favor of the safety of my children would not have occurred without continuous and fervent prayer and fasting—even when the fasting was not always from food.

Years later, when my daughter was suddenly struck with depression and anxiety, I sought the counsel of a prophetic woman named Teri Usiak in Colorado, who does prophetic prayer consultations over the phone. She said she heard from the Lord that I must fast and pray for my daughter, and that I must not fast from food. I sensed the Holy Spirit telling me to stop wearing earrings. Miraculously, within about a week of not wearing earrings, my daughter came out of her depression and anxiety, and she acted as though she’d never experienced it, and couldn’t even remember it well. Amazing! Partially from conviction, yet partially perhaps from a fear of the depression and anxiety returning to our daughter, I have not worn earrings since. My daughter has been free from depression now for over 7 years, although she says she has experienced some anxiety at times.

In more recent years, I have developed a prayer that I consistently pray 3-4 times per week: “In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth Who is God in the flesh, I cover myself and everyone and everything in my jurisdiction with the full armor of God and the blood of Jesus.” I don’t usually name each item in the armor of God now that I’ve memorized them so thoroughly, and sometimes I add to the blood of Jesus His water, oil, love, light, protection, and anything else that comes to mind. This is a very brief but effective prayer. It doesn’t stop everything bad from happening, but I’m sure it blocks more than I’ll ever know this side of Heaven.

Finally, I believe there are a few more spiritual weapons and protection that free you from excessive attacks from the enemy. Confess any sins for which you are convicted, forgive your ex-spouse and everyone else who has wronged you, and pray for them. Forgive yourself. Praise, worship, and thank the Lord in all things. (Thanking God for everything in your life is very challenging, yet freeing, if you are brave enough to try it.)

So, based on my personal experience, the following is my advice for parents who are abuse survivors of domestic violence in custody battles for their children. Please note that I am not a qualified counselor or therapist. I am survivor of domestic violence.

Spiritual Warfare Tactics Against Abuse in Your Home & in the Courtroom

1.     Ask for the gift of Tongues and regularly use prayer in the spirit as a weapon against the enemy. Learn to pray silently in Tongues without moving your lips, so that you can pray at any time anywhere, even during court sessions.

2.     Cover yourself and everyone and everything in your jurisdiction with the full armor of God and the blood of Jesus at least 3-4 times per week.

3.     Ask as many trusted friends and family members as possible to fast and pray for you during your times in court.

4.     Ask a strong and protective friend to sit in the courtroom with you to act as a human shield between you and your ex.

5.     Discreetly put up your hand as a shield against your enemies, which could include your judge, attorneys and mediators in your case.

6.     Pray and fast. Ask the Lord what you need to fast from.

7.     Confess your sins to God.

8.     Forgive your enemies and pray for them.

9.     Forgive yourself.

10.  Praise and worship the Lord, thanking Him for everything.

You may be in the worst turmoil of your life right now, or you may be contemplating escaping from your abusive spouse, knowing the worst may be ahead of you. Know that the Lord is with you, and though things might not turn out exactly as you hope or plan, the worst will soon be over. This too shall pass. You will one day breathe easily again, no longer controlled by abuse or PTSD, but free at last.

I pray for your protection and the protection of your children.

Love,

Julie