God’s Protection of Women - Article 1: God's Desire to Protect Women from Abuse

As a life coach, I'm not supposed to give advice, mentor people, or counsel people. So, this article is the first of a series in which I state my opinions based on my experience and research related to God's desire to protect women from abuse.

I know this topic is a can of worms. But, due to the encouragement of friends and family, I'm finally willing to open that can and let the slithering, slimy contents spill out into the open. I can't bear to see other Christian women suffer needlessly in excruciating, so-called "Christian" marriages. Their children are suffering too. Working with children, I see it all the time. My own children suffered for a long time, as well.

These words might not resonate with you personally. If not, you are blessed. But you might know of a Christian woman who will relate to what I have written here. If so, you can pass this along to her and, if I receive any positive feedback at all, I promise to keep writing and posting follow-up articles.

This is the first installment of a series of posts written for Christian women who are enduring difficult marriages. The mistreatment of wives by “Christian” husbands is a challenging topic. Due to the painful memories it conjures in my own spirit, I have delayed writing about it until now. But, I think, if I write a little at a time and not all at once, I will pray and rely on God’s strength to accomplish the task.

The Questions:

What does the Bible say about the treatment of women in marriage? Does God care about a wife who is treated unjustly, cruelly, berated, put down, criticized, trampled upon, enslaved? Does He care about innocent children who are forced to see their mother yelled at, beaten, locked up, starved? We know God hates divorce, but does He value the preservation of marriage higher than a woman’s personal protection?

These are questions that haunted me during seven years of marriage to my husband (now ex-husband). But the answers to these questions gave me the courage to finally make my escape. As a Christian woman, I knew God hated divorce. I was afraid of sinning against God. I was also fearful of how a divorce might alienate me from other Christians.

I know a lot of Christian women are trapped in bad—really bad—marriages. And they're supposedly married to "Christian" husbands. I know how confusing it can be. Everything may appear lovely on the outside, but behind closed doors, there is strife, chaos, unimaginable cruelty, and suffering. You’re so ashamed of the way you live, so sorry for making such a foolish mistake of marrying the man you chose. He fooled you and everyone. You hide the truth. No one would believe you if you told them what he’s really like. Besides, you tell yourself, he can be so nice. At least fifty percent of the time he can be “good” and life can feel almost normal. Maybe he’ll remain kind and loving from now on. How many times have you told yourself that? But you're such a forgiving person. You hold onto those happy times, hide the traumatic incidents in the recesses of your memory, and pretend everything’s fine…until the next time you step sideways on that bit of eggshell and the tiniest crackle is the excuse he needs to explode again.

Your life is a lie, full of secrets, hypocrisy, cover ups. You don’t want anyone to know how he treats you. You cover for him, hide his ugly, bad habits, put on a happy face for your friends and family, instruct your kids how to behave, protect them so he’ll hurt you and not them, apologize for whatever you did to cause him to lose his temper, confess falsely to any crime he accuses you of. You’ll do anything to keep the peace. You tell yourself it was your fault he yelled at you or hit you. You pray for him to change for the better, pray for a way of escape; even pray for the mercy of death to take you…until you remember for the thousandth time that you can’t abandon your children to their father’s cruelty. You’re trapped. There’s no escape. You must survive, if for no other reason than to save the lives of your kids. But is staying with him really saving your life…or theirs? Is there really no way out?

You’re a Christian wife. How can you leave your Christian marriage? How can you break your promises and renege on your marriage vows? Do you have any Biblical grounds for divorce? As far as you know, your husband hasn’t been sexually unfaithful to you and he hasn’t abandoned you (although you might wish for it).

Sexual unfaithfulness and abandonment are not the only Biblical grounds for divorce, as many unkind “Christian” husbands try to claim. Jesus Himself “recognized a range of marital conditions that are worse than divorce.” So did Moses and Paul.[i]

Really? Are there other situations in which God might actually approve of or condone divorce? Oh, yes, my sister in the Lord. If I didn’t finally come to the startling realization of how much God loves women and wants to protect them from harm, I might still be stuck in my horrific marriage; I might still be playing the poor, wretched martyr, watching my children grow up to be future victims and abusers. According to the very words of the Bible, God wants women to be loved, protected, cared for; He wants this even more than he wants an abusive marriage to remain intact. God wants you to be free, and I’ll prove it using Scripture as evidence in a future article.

[i]God’s Protection of Women, by Martin R. De Haan II, p. 3